Ryuk Saves Christmas
by TheSponsor
Summary: I love my brother's twisted mind, so I got him to help me write a little story for Christmas.  Hope you enjoy it.


My brother requested this. I can't remember what we were talking about that made him think of it. I was working on my novel when he sat down in my lap and tried to write the title. We fought each other as he tried to finish it, and I tried to backspace it. I won, but I decided to write it at a later stage. It's a later stage. Just a bit of fluff as a little Christmas present for you all.

Ryuk Saves Christmas

James was taking a leisurely stroll down the road in the middle of the night. He had taken to such walks, not fearing any creepy old guys coming up to him with promises of chocolate. He had a weapon – a weapon no one else could comprehend.

"Hey, James," said Ryuk, "look over there."

Yes, he had a Death Note. Ryuk had dropped his Death Note, looking for more entertainment. James wasn't really taking advantage of his power, only using it when he felt the inclination. Still, Ryuk wasn't bored, because, well, James was nuts! He was a mad genius. He had even tricked Ryuk into giving him the Shinigami eyes without having to give up half his life-span.

James saw a large, check that, insanely obese man in red sneaking into his neighbour's house through the window. The man's name was George Wesley. James raised one eyebrow. He casually pulled out his Death Note and began writing his name.

"Um, James?"

"Yes, Ryuk?"

"That's Santa Claus."

"I see..."

"James?"

"Yes, Ryuk?"

"You're still writing his name."

James stopped and looked down. He had already written the full name. He sighed a curse as the fat man in the window collapsed. He was dead.

"Well, what kind of a name is George Wesley?" James squawked. "Why is Santa Claus' real name George Wesley?"

Ryuk shrugged.

"And isn't he supposed to go down the chimney?"

"This house has no chimney."

James grumbled to himself and dragged his feet over to George Wesley. The dog inside the house licked the dead man's face. James pulled the hat off his head and had to jump up to put it on Ryuk's. "You are the new Santa."

"No, I'm not." Ryuk let the hat pass through his body and drop to the ground.

"Yes, you are." James picked the hat up and put it back on Ryuk's head.

"No, I'm not." Ryuk let the hat pass through his body and drop to the ground.

"Yes, you are." James picked the hat up and put it back on Ryuk's head.

The process repeated a few more times.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Ryuk, if you do this, I will give you a squillion apples."

Ryuk carefully considered this proposition. He picked the hat of the ground and put it back on his head. "Just call me Santa!"

The two them went around the house looking for Santa's sleigh.

"Now, if I were Santa, I would hide it behind A TREE!" James karate chopped behind a tree. There was nothing there. "Or maybe A ROCK!" Still nothing.

"I would put it on the roof," Ryuk thought aloud. He picked up a rock and threw it at the roof. Santa's magical sleigh lost its camouflage and it sparkled on the roof for all to see. "Wow! That was lucky!"

The sleigh began to sway. It started slipping down the roof.

"Yeah, I don't think that's lucky," said James.

The sleigh slipped of the roof, dragging the nine reindeer with it. The one in the front hooked his hooves in the gutter and held up the entire weight of his comrades and the sleigh. A dark figure appeared on the roof, staring down on the reindeer.

"Well, Rudolph," said the stranger, cocking the hammer of her gun. "Looks like you've met your end."

"It doesn't have to end like this, man," Rudolph panted.

"It already has."

BANG! Rudolph dropped to the ground to the theme of James Bond. All the other reindeer were fine.

"Rin!" James called.

Karynne lost her balance on the roof and slipped down, landing on Rudolph's carcass with a thud. "What you go do that for, playa?" she shrieked. "You be messin' wit ma mojo!"

"Well, it looks like we're going to need a new Rudolph," said James, stroking his chin.

One of the other reindeer raised his hoof. The one next to him shook his head, and he lowered it again.

"Karynne, it looks like you're Rudolph."

Karynne squealed with delight. James found a light bulb and shoved it up her left nostril. He shuffled his feet across the ground and tapped her shoulder. She jumped from the shock of the static electricity, and the light bulb began to shine.

"So, what do we do now?" Ryuk asked.

"Why, we must deliver gifts to all the good children of the world," James explained. Everyone, including the reindeer, just stared at him. "Yeah, I know it's not like me, but it's Christmas."

Karynne untied Rudolf's reins and put them on herself. "A'ight! Let's do dis thang!"

"Shut up, Rin. You're not a gangster."

"No, I is gangsta!"

"No, you're not."

Karynne pouted.

Ryuk and James climbed into the sleigh. James found a whip on the floor and smiled with utter joy. He cracked the whip into the air. "Now, Crasher! Now, Cancer! Now, Lancer and Richard Nixon! On, Bonnet! On, Stupid! On, Dharma and Greg!"

The reindeer ran into the sky and flew over the houses. Karynne dangled by the reins, flapping her arms like an idiot.

"James," she called, looking up at her brother, "I can see you from up here!" James rolled his eyes and ignored her.

Flying with supernatural speed, James and Ryuk delivered thousands upon thousands of presents to children all over the world. It seemed easy enough.

"Uh-oh," Karynne gasped.

"What?" Ryuk asked.

Karynne's eyes flickered and she opened her mouth. "ACHOO!" The light bulb burst out of her nose. She tried to catch it, but it slipped from her fingers and fell to the earth.

"Well, that's just perfect," said James sarcastically. "We're flying blind up here!"

"There's gonna be no Christmas for all those little kiddies!" Karynne buried her face in her hands and bawled like a baby.

Ryuk tightened his grip on the reigns. "There are only two presents left," he said quietly, a cloud of determination shrouding his eyes. "I don't care how long it takes us, we are delivering them to those kids."

"Ryuk."

"Aw," Karynne cooed, "how touching."

Ryuk snapped the reigns to urge the reindeer to go faster. They sped through the air until they were above the land mass that was India.

"India!" Karynne cheered in excitement, still dangling by the leather straps around her head and torso.

James' dignified facade faded for only a brief moment, but it was enough for Ryuk to see that he was worried. About what, he didn't know.

As they landed, a boy was standing in the middle of the street. His brown, side-swept hair hung over his eyes.

"Luke!" Karynne greeted, flopping onto the ground. "What on earth are you doing in India?"

Luke scratched his head. "I don't remember."

James shuffled behind Ryuk, but it was pointless. Luke couldn't see Ryuk anyway.

"Oh, yeah! James asked me to-"

"Here's your present," James interrupted, throwing a box wrapped in green paper at Luke. It hit him in the head and he fell over, completely unconscious. The gift opened on impact. It was an anvil. "Well, we better get going."

"Wait," Ryuk protested, pulling the last, huge gift from the back of the sleigh. "This one's for Karynne."

James frowned. "How did you get on the nice list? You killed Rudolph for crying out loud!"

"Hey, if you can't be good," said Karynne as she took the present from Ryuk, "be good at it." She opened the present. There was a scruffy-looking man inside. He gasped for air. "OMIGOSH! IS L!" Karynne glomped him.

"Fair enough," James shrugged.

"That boy appears to be bleeding," L observed, pointing to Luke's body lying in a pool of blood.

"What boy?" James asked. "I don't know what you're talking about. Let's go!"

"I believe I was promised a squillion apples," said Ryuk smugly.

"Oh, Ryuk," James chuckled and shook his head, "squillion is a made-up word. Therefore, I will give you imaginary apples." He held out his arms and pretended to drop something into Ryuk's lap. "Enjoy."

Ryuk stared down at the invisible fruit. He glared up at James. "I hate you."

Karynne dragged them both and L into a group hug. "God bless us! Every one!"


End file.
